What’s your way of protecting your own space, body, baby and decisions?

You’re a new parent. A new mother. You’re breastfeeding your baby.

Your baby. Your body.

You wonder what your parents will think if you stay in your pyjamas all day.

It’s only been 2 days since you went through major surgery, your body needs to heal. It takes 6 weeks at the very least for a healthy body to recover from giving birth.

Your parents in law are visiting. You’re worried they will judge if you don’t sit them down immediately and offer a cup of tea and some home bakes to them.

Erm. You’re spending 24 hrs keeping this baby alive and protected, fed and watered, loved and cared for. Probably with hardly any sleep. Possibly a few other kids in tow, wanting your attention.

You might, at long last, get to go out and see a friend soon. In a park? In a garden area of a cafe or restaurant? What if your baby needs a feed? How are you going to cope without your sofa, bed, 132 cushions, your baby’s body cuddled into yours so seamlessly (after the early days of complete contortion)? What if a tiny strip of your flesh shows? Real mothers are asking these real questions every day!

I see you. You have had a few hard months of pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding without the much needed community support. You sorely missed it. You’re craving human contact. Smiles, encouragement. And you worry that may not be what you get. What if this is going to make life even harder, at least in SOME ways?

Please remember.

Your body! Your baby! Your family. Your autonomy. Your instincts.

You have a few choices:

You can simply ignore well meaning but undermining comments, take a deep breath and carry on. With a smile.
You can engage in a discussion about your choices. Explain all the reading you’ve done, all the discussions you may have had with your partner, supporters and with yourself, and that you’re not taking these decisions lightly. You have consciously chosen to breastfeed on cue, not let the baby cry on her own, sleep together, wear baby, eat what you fancy, buy something and not buy that something else.
You can redirect: ‘Fancy emptying the dishwasher/ pick up the groceries/ cuddle baby while I have a shower/ make a cup of tea while I feed the baby? Any chance you could take out the toddler to the park while I get some peace and take a bath with baby/while baby sleeps?’
You can joke: ‘They are sure to stop breastfeeding by the time they are at college!’

What’s your way of protecting your own space, body, baby and decisions? I see lovely examples of partners or other family members advocating for your needs. You are a team! You are stronger together. Lean into each other. The first few weeks after birth are some of our most vulnerable. Use all the support that is offered to you and ask for more if you need it.

It takes time to find your feet and your voice as a new parent. Be patient with yourself. Surround your real and virtual space by like minded people, and perhaps distance from the ones that sap your energy or leave you doubtful, anxious and exhausted.

Some resources that might help you (beyond just pure simple TIME):