My desperate search for Mama Haven 13 years ago

I sat there, wondering WHAT I am doing, WHY I’m here and WHAT ON EARTH was I thinking before I left home. 

The blur of toys and wheeled vehicles in primary colours made my head spin, the noise of toddlers screaming and mothers trying to comfort them made me anxious and left me wondering what was to come further down the line.

Nobody approached me apart from the kind elderly lady running the session, asking if I wanted a cup of tea or coffee. (I wanted neither, I don’t ‘do hot drinks’.)

I seemed to be alone with a baby who wanted to breastfeed – probably 4 times more often than usual, due to the strange environment, smells, noises and my increasingly rapid heartbeat that she could inevitably sense, as we were ‘wrapped’ together in a sling.

After what seemed forever, but couldn’t have been more than 15 minutes (the shortest possible time I could choose to leave after, while at the same time preserving the appearance of politeness), I edged out of the room and shyly waved goodbye. Nobody noticed. Nobody missed me. 

Alone. With a 3 week old baby. 

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Toddler groups are for toddlers… (Although WHAT is even a toddler? One that can walk and say a few words? 1 year and up?)

Baby sensory and music groups may well be appreciated by little ones after 6 months (but often marketed from newborn onwards). At the very least, I would argue, a baby needs to be at least 3 months old and out of the 4th trimester before they can even identify as a separate being from their mothers and hence enjoy this type of entertainment.

We say:

“It takes a village to raise a child.”

It is great to have so much on offer for young families, but who is it for? Babies need nothing, as long as they have us, their caregivers, available and as regulated as possible. 

SO WHO needs the support most in the 4th trimester? …

Go with your gut. Whatever makes you happy, relaxed, grounded and connected to yourself, your community, your family, your baby.

We talk about ‘mum guilt’. 

We would do anything for our babies, but who cares for us? Who mothers the mother?

You’re regulating your baby’s immature nervous system, they feed off you in every sense of the word. The better looked after YOU are, the better for your baby.

Mama Haven is designed for MOTHERS, first and foremost. Your babies are an extension of you and are very welcome to join all our sessions. We even do things like baby massage and gather information about the best ways to raise little ones. Most mothers don’t want to be separated from their babies. 

What we do focus on is YOUR well-being. You get looked after, treated, listened to. Your recovery, well-being, groundedness and happiness is the focus of our sessions. 

At Mama Haven YOU can be YOU. The rest will follow.

I created this space for mums in the 4th trimester and beyond, to receive all the holding, encouragement and information that brings reassurance, rest and relief.

I created the group I wanted to be part of 13 years ago.

With love, Eszter