Am I a selfish mother to want a space for ME?

I wonder if we have gone too far when it comes to the pressure to entertain, educate and socialise our babies (see baby Mozart, baby Einstein, Montessori style toys and a plethora of companies queuing up to cater for their ‘needs’)?

What if?

What if I said ALL babies need is the warm body of their carers, which in an ideal world means, their mothers.

What if I said you are wasting your money on expensive toys and classes, cause in the first 2-3 months human babies aren’t really even aware of them being separate beings and their brains are developing at thousands of neural connections per second.

What if I told you that these neural connections are best amplified and accelerated with cuddles, closeness, kisses and skin to skin contact, babywearing, love and attention.

These early months are absolutely crucial in laying the foundations for later years and your connection with your child.

If you want to do ONE think for your parenting NOW, go and find out about Hand in Hand Parenting. You won’t regret it. It will serve you through the years… I wish I had found them earlier in my children’s life. But it’s actually never too late. We can only do the best we can, with the information what is available to us at any point in life, and the circumstances that are served up to us.

But I’m really not suggesting you GO out there and DO something. How about just BE?

I’ve written this BLOG POST about keeping your off-springs close: what it means and what it doesn’t. As the fantastic Nils Bergman put it once: ‘the mother’s body is a baby’s natural habitat‘.

When we’re born our lungs are an expectation for oxygen. In the same way our nervous systems are an expectation for LOVE, for nurturing, for being held, for being valued, for being enjoyed.

That’s what the infant is born with: those expectations! And whether we develop well or we don’t depends on how fully those expectations are met.

Gabor Mate

So is Mama Haven also baby haven?

I would argue it is!

The best thing you can do for your babies/children is to look after your own mental health.

It will pay dividends over the years. And it doesn’t need to mean expensive therapy. It may just mean community. A place you can relax. Somewhere you can find a group of friends and show up as your true messy self. Like we all are.

Messiness is part of life and certainly part of matrescence. Your transitioning into a mother (or multiple times mother) and you are forgiven for being late, wearing no make up, having creased clothes and unwashed hair.

Ask yourself: does your baby care?

Ask yourself: what would baby say to you RIGHT NOW if he or she could talk?

Ask yourself: what would you say to your best friend in the same situation?

Ask yourself: who are the people and what are the spaces that boost you, that make you feel better, that fill (instead of drain) your tank?

Ask yourself: where do you find joy and connection?

GO THERE! BE THAT. SHARE THE LOVE.